


Fresh Start

by HaloKittens



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, J2, Jensen's First Time, M/M, Oral Sex, Rimming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-14
Updated: 2014-11-20
Packaged: 2018-02-25 09:32:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2616989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HaloKittens/pseuds/HaloKittens
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Jensen was sentenced to do community service for vandalizing a private school, he never expected to meet someone who would completely change his life. Jared seemed to be everything that Jensen wasn't and to have everything that Jensen desired. Every haunted soul deserves a shot at love and a fresh start. Originally posted on LJ.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

The truth was, the moment the judge brought down that gavel, Jensen really didn't care what his sentence was to be. He had been severely depressed for months, and the medication he was on made him feel numb.

"Nine months community service at Worthington Performing Arts Academy," the social aid lawyer told Jensen with a smile. He appeared to be pleased about the sentence for some reason.

Worthington was an advanced institute for the creatively gifted. Three months ago, Jensen had broken into the school and done some heavy-duty property damage. Worthington was several miles outside the city limits. Jensen had been drinking heavily and riding around when he saw the exclusive school for the arts. He had been filled with a mindless blind rage and broken in through a side door. Jensen had gone through the building randomly smashing things until his rage was spent. A few days later, he had gone downtown and turned himself in to the police. Now, several months later, Jensen was being sent back there again.

The smiling lawyer led Jensen from the courtroom. Jensen's mother and younger sister followed at his heels. "Did you take your medication, Jenny Bean?" his little sister asked softly, moving up beside him and sliding her hand into his.

He looked down at her a moment. "Yes, Mac," he said and gave her a small smile. Her eyes were bright with unshed tears. He squeezed her hand. "It's okay,Mac. Everything will be okay." They had buried their father a few months ago and Jensen was still eaten up with guilt over the car accident that had taken his dad's life.

"Why do you have to go away?" Mac whined. "And why don't you come back and live at home?"

Jensen shook his head sadly. "I can't now. I won't be far, Mac. I'll see you soon."

They stopped at the end of the corridor. He'd been living in a rooming house for the last few months. It seemed he and his mother didn't have anything to say to each other any more.

"The fact that you managed to complete high school went good for you," the lawyer stated suddenly. "You just need to do your community service and you'll get your life back."

"Yes," Jensen said, nodding in agreement.

"I wasn't sure you were listening in there," the lawyer went on. "You seemed to fade out. Maybe you should have your meds adjusted."

Jensen's gaze was on his mother, who stood looking out the window. His mom and dad had been a close loving couple. Now that he was gone, she seemed a shadow of her former self. It was all his fault. Jensen doubted she'd ever forgive him. He was sure he'd never forgive himself.

Jensen had been driving that night. It had started to rain hard and fast. A torrential downpour that came out of nowhere. Jensen had been watching for a place to pull off the road. The car had started to hydroplane and Jensen had panicked. He'd pulled the wheel sharply to compensate and the car had flown off the road sideways. When Jensen had woken up, he saw that he'd slammed into a tree. His dad had died right in front of him. Since then, every time Jensen closed his eyes, he saw his dad's ruined head covered in blood and brains. He shuddered at the memory. His little sister was hugging him close now. Jensen's mother finally glanced in his direction, but seemed to look right through him. 

_ " _ Call me if you need anything _ ,"  _ she said, but she didn't sound like she meant it.

Guilt twisted in Jensen's gut. Even if he did need anything, he knew he wouldn't call home. 

She stepped up to the lawyer. "Thank you for all you've done for us. We have to go, now. I took off two hours from work today. I have to get back." She took Mac's hand and led her away down the corridor.

Jensen watched them walk away with tears in his eyes. He hoped he would find a way to make things right with his mother someday. He loved her and he missed being able to talk to her or just sit close to her. Jensen felt like he was all alone.

"You start at Worthington on Monday." The lawyer broke into his reverie.

Jensen looked at him, questioningly. "What?"

"You will have to keep reporting to the parole officer. Remember you have an appointment tomorrow afternoon. You'll get all the details about your community service then. I believe you'll stay right there at the school. It would be too far to travel every day. It's out of the city so you'll have a chance to enjoy fresh air and meet new people."

Jensen glanced out the window. The lawyer kept rattling on. "You know, you're damn lucky, Ackles."

"I am?" Jensen said meeting the lawyer's eyes.

"You don't get it, do you? The judge could have sent you to a juvenile detention center filled with violent offenders. He's giving you a chance at a fresh start. I suggest you make the best of it." The lawyer stated, then turned and walked away.

Jensen walked outside the courthouse and found his friend, Christian, waiting for him. Jensen felt the tears returning when he saw him. Chris had stood by him through the whole ordeal of his father's death and funereal. He'd been there when Jensen had broken down after his father's casket had been lowered into the ground. Even though Jensen had pulled away from everyone in his grief, Chris had remained his friend. Jensen was grateful to him for remaining a constant in his world that had been turned upside down and inside out by his spiral into depression. He hoped Chris knew how much his friendship meant to him.

"Hey, Chris." He said, coming down the steps now to greet his friend.

"How did it go?" Chris looked at him with worried eyes.

Jensen smiled. He threw an arm around Chris's shoulders and gave him an affectionate squeeze. "Not too bad."

"Come on, Jensen," Chris said, pushing him away, "don't fuck around. I assume it isn't jail cause you're not in cuffs. What did the judge say?"

"It's okay. I got community service. I have to see the parole officer about it tomorrow." Jensen replied.

"Community service?" Chris echoed, matching steps with him down the street.

"At Worthington Performing Arts Academy." It finally sunk in when he said it. Jensen stopped and looked at Chris. "It will be weird going back there and seeing it with sober eyes."

"Did your lawyer tell them what was happening with you when you trashed that place? Did they know about your dad?" Chris asked.

"He did, and I suspect that's why the judge cut me some slack. I got lucky.”

"How long will you be there?" Chris asked as he glanced over at him.

"Nine months." Jensen stated as he looked at his feet

"That's a long time, Jensen. When do you leave?"

"I'll go on Monday."

"Come stay with me. You don't have to be at that boarding house by yourself." Chris offered.

Jensen glanced at him. "I ... I'll see you on the weekend, okay? I've got a lot of things to do. For starters, I have to see my PO and my shrink. Let's do something Saturday."

Chris nodded. "Okay. Will you get to come home on the weekends or what?"

"I don't know. I'll tell you when I do."

A few minutes later, they went their separate ways. Chris hopped on the bus. He had a small apartment downtown, close to the guitar store where he worked. Jensen walked the rest of the way to the boarding house. He lay down on the bed in his room and closed his eyes. Jensen hadn't slept much last night. Truthfully, he hadn't slept much in months. 

Jensen woke up like he usually did, soaked in sweat and shaking all over. The sun had gone down, and the heat had lifted. He reached for the bottle of pills on his nightstand and popped one into his mouth. It was okay. Everything would be okay now. Jensen took a few deep breaths to calm himself, then he closed his eyes again and tried to go back to sleep.

*&*

"Why did you trash the Worthington Performing Arts Academy?" The parole officer, David Harmon asked.

It was a good question.

"I ..Uh." Jensen started but trailed off.

"Did you know you'd end up there when you started off that night?"

Jensen looked at his parole officer as if he could help him find the answer, then the words came out of his mouth without any conscious effort. "My dad took me there for a play when I was eight."

"Which play?"

"We went to see Peter Pan. My dad used to read it to me when I was little."

"Why did that make you want to damage Worthington?"

Jensen sighed. "It was there and I felt this blinding rage because it was in perfect condition and my life was in ruins. I wanted to break it somehow like I was broken. The shrink said it had to do with my guilt and rage over my dad's death. I took it out on that place."

Harmon opened a file on his desk. "I'm sorry about your loss, Jensen. I hope you will find more constructive ways to deal with your guilt and anger now. You need to make this experience work for you. Do you understand your sentence?”

"I have to return to the scene of the crime, to make amends for what I did."

"How do you feel about that?"

"How am I supposed to feel? I'm resigned to it. I want a fresh start. At the very least, I'll get to breathe some good air."

"You'll be under the supervision of Jim Beaver. He's the director of janitorial services. There's a room for you there at Worthington in the staff quarters. You'll be given a small amount of money for necessities, provided by the state while you're there. I have some money for you today. Your bus fare is included in this month's stipend."

Jensen nodded. "Do I get to come back, or am I supposed to stay there on the weekends too?"

"The state will pay your fare home for Christmas, but as for—"

Jensen put up a hand. "I doubt I'll be missed at Christmas. I think my mother would prefer I stay away from home for the time being."

Harmon nodded. "How's the depression?"

"The doctor wants to decrease the medication. I don't feel ready for that just yet." Jensen answered honestly.

"I've set up an account at a pharmacy in Worthington so you can get your prescription filled there." Harmon handed him an envelope. "Your money, bus ticket, and papers for your medication are in there. Don't lose it."

Jensen took the white envelope with a nod. Worthington was also the name of the small town connected with the school.

"Any questions?" The parole officer asked.

Jensen shook his head and stood up to leave.

"Beaver will report to me once a week. Any problems and..." Harmon started with a stern look.

"There won't be any problems," Jensen stated and walked out the door.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

The bus trip took a little over two hours. Jensen got off on the main street of Worthington and looked around at the quaint town. Although he had been at the school, he'd never been in the town itself. Jensen put down his travel bag and gazed around him. There was a grocery store, post office, pharmacy, town hall, and a host of other small businesses clustered around the town square. Directly in front of him was the Cosmic diner where the bus driver was heading to grab a bite to eat before the return trip to town. When Jensen turned around, his gaze was immediately riveted to the Worthington Performing Arts Academy, or WPAA, as many people called it. It stood high up on a hill surrounded by lush grounds. He couldn't help but find the private school regal looking in its majestic setting on the hilltop. Jensen checked his watch. It was after ten o'clock. He was already late on his first day. He picked up his travel bag and jogged up the road in the direction of the campus.

"What's your name?" The security guard at the gate asked as he eyed Jensen critically.

"Jensen Ackles."

"Are you on the list of new students?"

"No. I'm here for community service," he replied, meeting the guard's dark eyes. "I'm supposed to meet with a Mister Beaver."

"Wait here. I'll tell him you've arrived."

A few minutes later, a man came walking down the road. He was in his fifties with a moustache, graying hair and sharp hazel eyes. "Hello, Mr. Ackles. Glad you could join us. Open the gate up, Rufus." He motioned his hand at the guard. "Come on in son."

Jensen walked cautiously through the gate.

Beaver grasped his hand firmly. "Welcome to WPAA. How old are you?"

"I'm eighteen, Sir." Jensen stated as he shook the older man's hand.

Beaver nodded and gave him a smile. "Good to see you have some manners. Come on then, Jensen or do you go by something else?"

"Jensen is fine, Sir."

"Call me Jim. I'll show you where you can store your gear first." Jim said as he led him onto campus.

*&*

Jensen felt the tires slipping on the wet road. Panic gripped him and he jerked the wheel to try and straighten the car. The car was skidding sideways swiftly now. Jensen felt it leave the road and fly in the air. The feeling made his stomach tingle. He almost smiled at the sensation of flying. Then, the passenger side of the car slammed into a huge tall oak tree. Jensen heard a sickening thump and crack sound that made his stomach churn. He tried to open his eyes, but they were too heavy. When he finally forced them to open, he looked across the car and saw his father's body shuddering. His heels were thudding in the floorboard as his body convulsed. Lightening lit up the night and Jensen saw his father's broken head covered in blood and brain tissue. He started to scream as the convulsions ceased and his father's body slumped limply back against the seat. When Jensen got control of his body back, he took his father's hand and felt for a pulse that wasn't there. He leaned in close and listened for a heart beat, but there was none. His dad was dead. Jensen woke up crying and shaking in his bed in the staff quarters.

He looked at the clock and saw it was almost 7:00 am. Jensen's nightmare had awakened him before the alarm had gone off. Jensen got one of his pills and headed across the hall to the bathroom to take it. He needed to get ready. Jim would be coming by at 7:30 this morning and Jensen didn't want to be late again. The staff quarters were nice. They were clean and more spacious than some of his friend's apartments. He would have them to himself until next week when the rest of the workers arrived at Worthington.

Jensen let the hot water run over him and tried to push the nightmare out of his troubled mind. He needed to focus today. He wanted to make a good impression on Jim. Jensen felt like the older man genuinely wanted to help him succeed. Jensen had too many losses in his ledger. He needed this experience to be a win.

Jensen got out of the shower, dried off and got dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. Jim had been very clear yesterday. His job for the next two weeks would mostly be outside. They needed to whip the grounds into shape before the students came back in September. That meant the grass needed to be mowed, weeds trimmed, and flowers tended to. The buildings had been cleaned for the summer already, but Jim said they needed some touch-ups before the students came back. He was kind enough not to mention the clean up that had been needed after Jensen had trashed the place last May.

"Everything gets a layer of dust from the months of disuse," Jim had explained.

The rest of the janitorial staff would arrive the following week. Until then, they were on their own making the grounds immaculate.

Jensen made himself coffee, eggs and toast in the staff kitchen for breakfast. He had learned how to cook from his mother and grandmother. He found satisfaction in creating things for the people he loved. Jensen cleaned up after himself, then he walked outside to meet Jim, who was pulling up in front of the brick building.

"You're punctual this morning. That's good, Jensen." Jim remarked as he got out of his blue Chevy Nova. "I'm glad I didn't have to come in and shake you awake."

"I don't sleep much," Jensen replied looking down at his feet.

Jim's eyes softened a bit and he put his hand on Jensen's shoulder. "You might start sleeping more after putting in a full day's work around here. Come on, I didn't get a chance to show you where the supplies are. Remind me to give you a key. We keep everything locked up. We don't want students going in there ripping off stuff."

"Why would they?" Jensen asked surprised that happened in an expensive private school like this.

"The kids play pranks. University students, you know. They have initiations and stuff. You'll see. The first week they're here it's registration, no classes, so it's party time in the dorms." Jim said with a wry shake of his head.

They worked hard outside planting flowers until lunchtime. Jim showed Jensen how to drive the stand up lawn mower. They ate together on a stone bench in the central garden. Jim had brought food from home hearty beef stew and fragrant homemade bread. "Try some of the wife's apple pie," he told Jensen.

"I do have a weakness for pie." Jensen took a bite and savored the rich sweet cinnamon and apple taste. “Your wife is an awesome cook!” He declared with a happy grin.

Jim smiled back. It was good to see the solemn young man crack a smile. “She always makes too much for just me and you could do with some fattening up. I'll bring lunch for you too. That way, we can both enjoy her cooking and I won't have to let my belt out another notch.” Jim remarked.

Jensen looked down at himself. He had gotten skinny since his father died. Eating some good home cooking would help him get back to his weight before the accident. “Thanks, Jim. I appreciate that. Please tell your wife thanks too.” Jensen stated and gave the older man a big smile.

The week passed quickly. Jensen found he didn't have time to dwell on anything and that pleased him. He took fewer pills and slept more soundly than he had in months. He still had nightmares, but not as often and not as vivid as before. Jensen was refocusing his mind and energy. He was letting go of some of the guilt and anger that had been poisoning him and deepening his depression. He wasn't a raw open wound anymore. He was beginning to heal.

That Saturday, Jensen slept in. He was tired from a long week of physical labor. When he got up, he had a sandwich, grabbed the journal book his shrink had given him and went to the fountain in the center of the academy buildings. His therapist had been telling him to write in the journal for months. Jensen had opened the book to the first blank page dozens of times, but he'd never written in it. His emotional distress just seemed too deep and personal to pour out onto those pristine white pages. Today, he actually put pen to paper and wrote how he was feeling. It felt good just like the therapist had told him it would.

It was early afternoon when Jim walked up to the fountain. He had been looking for Jensen for about fifteen minutes. He saw the boy had a book on his lap and wondered what it was. Jim knew all about Jensen's background. He knew he had been a good kid who was blind sided by a tragedy. He hoped he could help the young man get his life back. “Hey, Jensen!” Jim called out to alert the boy to his presence.

Jensen jumped a little and turned away from the fountain to see Jim walking toward him. “Hi, Jim. You working on Saturday?”

“No. The wife sent me on an errand. I'm here to invite you to our place for dinner tonight.” Jim said as he stopped walking a few feet in front of Jensen.

Jensen looked into Jim's eyes. “Does she know what I did?” He asked in a low voice his cheeks reddened with shame.

“Jensen, we've all made mistakes, son. As long as we learn from them and don't repeat them, there's no problem.” Jim replied and smiled at him.

Jensen really enjoyed spending time with Jim and his wife. They treated him like a friend and he glowed under the attention. He helped clean up after dinner and they all went out on the back porch to drink sweet tea and talk a bit. Jensen hadn't realized how starved he'd been for companionship. He revealed that he played guitar and sang and liked to act in school plays. Jim and his wife had exchanged a meaningful look that Jensen hadn't seen. It felt good to be a part of something again. He was happy when Jim's wife hugged him as he was leaving with the older man.

“Thanks for having me over to your house, Jim. I'm surprised you would ask me considering what I did at the school.” Jensen said with his head down. He was ashamed of what he had done and felt bad that Jim had to clean up his mess.

“Jensen, you went through something so horrible that it tore you up inside. You had to get all that hurt out somehow. The fact that you turned yourself in and took responsibility shows that you are a good man. You did the right thing and that is not easy to do. You can put all that in the past, son. You can move forward and have the future you want.” Jim said as he glanced over at Jensen.

“I want to move forward. I'm just not sure I'm strong enough.” Jensen said softly as they pulled up to the staff quarters.

“You're plenty strong or you wouldn't still be here. Now buck up, Jensen. Monday is going to be a very busy day. I need you to be at 100%.” Jim said firmly.

“I'll be ready, Jim. Thanks.” Jensen said as he got out of the car and headed to his room.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

That Monday morning it seemed that everyone was descending on Worthington like a swarm of buzzing bees. The staff as well as the students began to arrive and it was stressful. Jim gave Jensen a slew of orders, and he found himself running around all day completing the tasks. Jensen met all the new people he'd be working with and suddenly the staff quarters where he slept was bustling with activity.

"There is a mandatory staff meeting Monday morning at ten," Jim had told Jensen Saturday. "Monday will be hectic, but you'll settle into the new routine soon enough." Jim had assured him with a smile and a pat on the shoulder.

Jensen had called his sister, Mac, to let her know he was okay. She was full of questions about the Worthington Performing Arts Academy and Jensen answered all of them as best he could. A part of him wanted to ask to talk to his mom, but he couldn't bring himself to say the words. Before he reluctantly said goodbye to Mac, he told her to give their mom a hug for him. Maybe someday, he'd be able to hug her again himself.

Monday evening, Jensen took a walk around the campus grounds. There were four buildings designated as dorms. One was for male students, one for female students, one for teaching staff, and the other for the domestic and janitorial workers. Many people, including the teaching staff, lived on the Worthington campus due to the isolation of the school from the nearest large town.

By nine o'clock, the campus was quiet, except for the student dorms, which consisted of a multitude of small apartments and rooms. There, the lights were on, and loud music blared out of the windows. Right beside the student dorms, just around the corner, was the student pub/café. There was a fairly large patio and Jensen noticed that it was filled with people. He kept his distance from the throng of students. He turned around, prepared to go back to his living quarters when he met three young men coming up the path. The one on the left captured his attention, causing him to pause and look back at him as he passed possibly because he was so tall or more likely, because he was devastatingly handsome.

None of the young men looked at him. Of course, they wouldn't, not with _Maintenance_ written across his shirt. Jensen stood there transfixed, his gaze following them as two of them headed to the café. The third guy, the one who caused him to stop and stare, turned in the other direction and walked to the student housing. He had dark hair, almond-shaped blue green eyes, tanned skin and a well toned body, a dancer perhaps. Jensen shook himself and walked on. He smiled. It was the first time in a long time he'd bothered looking at any guy more than once. "I'm still alive," he whispered aloud with a note of wonder in his low voice.

"I hope so," someone said with a laugh. "I don't care to bump into any undead things out here in the night."

Jensen jumped and looked up in surprise to see a young blond guy standing in front of him wearing a T-shirt that matched his own.

"Hi, I'm Jake Abel. I didn't mean to freak you out." The guy introduced himself.

"I'm not freaked out. I just didn't see you there. My name is Jensen." He replied.

"Hey. You're new." Jake pointed to his T-shirt.

"Yes. You too?" Jensen asked.

"No. I worked here last year. You arrive today?"

"No. I was here helping Jim for the last couple weeks and..." Jensen trailed off when he saw Jake's eyes widen.

"Oh," Jensen said. "You've heard something about me?"

"Just rumors, man. It's no problem," Jake began.

"I went through a rough time and did something incredibly stupid," Jensen stated. "I'm paying for it now with community service here. You don't have to worry. I'm not dangerous."

"I was hoping you might be." Jake teased with a grin, then winked at him.

Jensen's eyes widened as he looked at Jake. Was the guy coming on to him? Jensen had never told anyone he was gay. He'd been too afraid of how his parents and friends would react. Now, it seemed, Jake had figured it out without him saying a word about it. Jensen felt the urge to run back to his room and away from this conversation.

Jake looked at Jensen and tried to figure out what the guy was thinking. “I'm not asking you to go steady or something. It's just that there aren't a lot of guys like us here and it gets lonely. We could keep each other company.”

"I uh..." Jensen stammered as his face flushed crimson.

"If I misread you, I'm sorry. I saw the way you were looking at Jared and I thought you'd be interested." Jake explained.

"Jared?" Jensen managed to say.

"Jared Padalecki. Gorgeous, great ass, incredible body. You just passed him." Jake replied with a grin.

"Oh." Jensen wasn't quite sure what to say. This conversation was making him uncomfortable.

"I figured you were into guys. No worries. I think everyone looks at Jared that way." Jake said with a shrug of his shoulders.

"Where's he from?" Jensen knew he shouldn't be asking. He knew he shouldn't care.

"San Antonio and yes, he's into guys. I'm sure of it, but he's all business here, destined to be a star. I may have snuck a peak at his compus profile. He sings, dances, acts and models. With those looks and that body ... well ... anyway" Jake lowered his voice "If you want a closer look, ask Jim if you can clean up in the fitness center early in the morning. Jared was working out this already this morning."

"I ... uh ... That won't be necessary," Jensen said as he began to walk.

Jake fell into step beside him. "Why's that?"

Jensen laughed slightly, then paused to look at Jake. "He's way out of my league. He wouldn't give someone like me a second look. No point in wasting my time. Besides, I'm not here for that." He added silently in his head 'I'm not sure I'm even ready for that.'

"I don't know about that. From where I'm standing, you look pretty damn hot.” Jake stated with a leering grin.

Jensen blushed again at the guy's appraising look. "Jake, I..."

"It's okay, Jensen. We can be friends, can't we?" Jake said.

"Sure." Jensen nodded. "It's always good to have friends."

"Okay, friend, how about sharing a cup of coffee with me?"

Jensen nodded with a grin. "I could use some coffee about now."

Jake turned out to be a lot of fun. They sat up talking far later than they should have that night and he introduced Jensen to many of the other workers. However, when Jake stood with him at the door to his room, it became uncomfortably clear what was on his mind.

"You can pretend I'm Jared Padalecki if you want," Jake teased as he crowded Jensen against the door.

"I don't think so." Jensen said as he pushed Jake arms length away.

"He spoke to me this morning." Jake stated as he stepped back to give Jensen room.

"Who spoke to you?"

"Jared Padalecki, you git." Jake stated with a shake of his head.

"Oh yeah? What did he say? Kiss me, you fool?"

"I wish." Jake replied. "I was cleaning the shower room and he had just come out of the shower with nothing on but a towel."

"You lie." Jensen exclaimed wide eyed.

"No, it's true, and he said, 'we need towels in the locker room.'"

Jensen laughed. "How romantic but you did get to see him almost nude."

Jake smiled and looked Jensen in the eye. "That I did and it was an amazing view. Listen, Jensen, I won't push but I really do like you."

"I know," Jensen said softly, then looked away. "You'd better go to your room before you get us both into trouble."

"'Night, Jensen." Jake said with a look of regret on his face. Then he turned and disappeared around the corner.

Jensen unlocked his door and went into his room. He got ready for bed and thought about Jared Padalecki. He wondered what the tall boy's voice sounded like. He wondered if he laughed a lot and what it would feel like to kiss him. These thoughts kept Jensen awake far into the night

The next day, Jensen got a sense of just how busy he was going to be. Jim had given him the assignment of cleaning the floors in the majority of the buildings. It was a difficult task now that all the buildings were filled with students and professors. Jensen had been intimidated by the huge ring of keys Jim had given him to different buildings, offices, lecture halls, and supply rooms. Jensen was worried that he'd never figure out what door which key went to.

"Don't worry," Jake had told him, "I'll help you figure it out. In a few days, it will become second nature."

Jensen was becoming fast friends with Jake. It was good to meet another boy like himself who could understand how he felt about guys. He supposed he would have to explain to Jake exactly what had happened and why he'd ended up doing community service work at the campus. He wasn't quite ready to have that conversation. He was ashamed of what he had done and he deeply regretted his behavior. Jim kept telling him to 'put the past behind him and concentrate on the future'. Jensen thought that was good advice and he was trying to follow it.

Jensen was beginning to see what Worthington Performing Arts Academy was al about now that the semester had begun. When he walked into the main building the following morning, there was music everywhere. Students were singing in some rooms, playing musical instruments in others even in the hallway. Jensen walked down the corridor to his closet and pulled out his cleaning cart. He checked the piece of paper he had shoved into his pocket where he'd written down which areas he was supposed to clean, and when. He wasn't to interrupt classes or disturb the students, and Jim had coordinated everything to correspond with that.

Suddenly, he heard someone somewhere begin to sing a song he knew, one he had sung with his family on many occasions. A piano suddenly chimed in, and Jensen found himself humming along. He was carried away for a moment, weighed down in a distant memory that brought his devastating loss back to him. A crushing sadness overcame him and he was lost in his pain when Jake came walking toward him, keys twirling around his wrist.

"Hey," Jake said with concern. "You okay, man?"

Jensen looked at him blankly. He was lost to the past at the moment. "I loved him and it's my fault that he's gone." Jensen said in a tear choked voice.

"What are you talking about?" Jake asked as he stared at the pale boy before him.

Jensen snapped out of the pain filled daze he had been in. "Oh god, I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was talking out loud. What were you saying, Jake?"

"Are you okay, Jensen?" Jake asked again as he looked at Jensen's red rimmed eyes.

"Yeah. It's just... I uh....wrote all this stuff on a list, now I can't read my own writing." Jensen said with a self depreciating laugh. He hoped Jake would drop the subject cause he didn't want to talk right now.

Jake let it go. "No worries, man. You start in the auditorium."

"Auditorium?" Jensen sighed.

"Yeah, is there a problem?"

"No. I'm on it.” Jensen said firmly.

"Remember, there's no regular class in there now, but there might be some people rehearsing. They have a big show at the end of the term, and they use the auditorium often. So, just be as quiet as possible. Empty the garbage and sweep around the upper level. Leave the stage alone for now if they are rehearsing. You can come back and do it later. Do you have a copy of the schedule?" Jake asked.

"No. I'll have to get one from Jim." Jensen replied.

"Here" Jake passed him a folded paper "I don't need it. I have the schedule memorized. It's the same as last year."

"Thanks," Jensen said as he took the paper and turned to walk away.

~&~

Jensen pushed his cart along the hallways of WPAA pausing to glance into the offices of various professors. "Drama, Coaching, Ballet, Modern Dance, Ballroom, Writing, Producing, Directing, Music-Voice, Music-Percussion..." It went on and on. Finally, at the end of the long hallway, he paused, hearing voices saying lines.

Quietly, he opened the door to the auditorium a little wider and slid his cart inside. Jensen knew this place, of course. It was where he had broken props and ripped costumes in two. The windows he'd broken had been repaired already and new purple velvet curtains hung at the stage.

"Is that all you think I am ... what's between my legs?"

Jensen looked down at the stage. There were two people performing: a woman and... Jensen suddenly realized the male voice belonged to none other than Jared Padalecki. There were three other people in the auditorium. One was on his feet in front of the stage, a clipboard in his hand, and two others, both females, sat in the front row.

The female on stage said something Jensen couldn't quite hear, then laughed.

"That last line of yours threw me, Jared. Sorry. Can we start again?"

"Get your mind off what's in between Jared's legs, Jessica," one of the women called from the front row. Laughter erupted again.

Jensen smiled at the remark, then told himself that he'd better get to work. No one noticed him so he figured he wasn't disturbing anyone. Jensen took out his broom and began to sweep, his eyes were drawn back to the stage. Jared's deep, male voice was intoxicating and his physical perfection even more so. Jensen absently picked up the metal garbage can, still watching Jared, and quietly emptied it into his own trash bag. Then he put it back down, but not in the right place. Jensen started to sweep again and his broom came into contact with the metal garbage can. Just as Jared said, "You say you love me, why don't you—" Jensen hit the garbage can with his broom and it went crashing down the aisle toward center stage. Jensen froze as the metal cylinder continued to roll and bang loudly on each step, his eyes closed and he took a deep breath.

Everyone stopped, their eyes on Jensen as he came scrambling down the steps after the can, mumbling that he was sorry. By the time he arrived at the landing, Jared Padalecki had jumped off the stage and picked up the trash can.

"Here you go," He said, meeting Jensen's eyes with a grin on his face.

Jensen swallowed hared. "Thank you. I'm sorry, I..."

"No problem, dude." Jared said with a smile.

Jensen was just about to walk back up the steps when the young woman on the stage spoke up.

"Hey," She said, peering at his name tag, "aren't you that guy who vandalized the school?"

Jensen's jaw dropped. "I..."

"Jessica," Jared said, "let's get back to it, okay?"

"I don't know about anyone else, but I don't feel secure with those kinds of people around," she mumbled.

Jensen looked down at the floor, his fingers tightening on the garbage can. "I'm really sorry for the noise," he called out, "it was an accident." He practically ran up the stairs, grabbing his cart at the top and pushing it out of the auditorium. In the hallway, he paused, thankful that it was empty. Jensen took a moment to swallow the humiliation. Did everyone know what he had done? Well, at least now he was certain of one thing, Jared Padalecki did and that's what bothered him most of all.

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

 Chapter Four

That evening, after his shift, Jim called Jensen into his office. Jensen walked in with his eyes downcast. He was sure he was in trouble for the trash can incident that morning in the auditorium. Jensen was already upset about Jared being there and his crime being revealed in front of him. He really didn't want to face Jim's disappointment in him too. Jensen's stomach hurt and he was afraid he would start crying if Jim was too harsh with him. 

“Have a seat, son.” Jim said as Jensen walked into his office with his head down. “You're not in trouble, Jensen. I just wanted to talk for a moment.” Jim said sensing Jensen's distress. 

Jensen looked up and saw that Jim had a smile on his face. He was confused. He'd been sure he was in trouble for knocking the trash can over and disturbing the rehearsal. “I'm sorry I disrupted the play rehearsal this morning. I was clumsy.” Jensen said as he met Jim's eyes.

“Accidents happen, Jensen. No need to apologize. I just called you in here to see if you'd like to come to my house for a BBQ on Saturday. It will just be us and Kim. You can invite someone if you'd like.” Jim said kindly as he smiled at Jensen. 

“Thanks, Jim. I'd like that. I could help cook, if you'd like.” Jensen said with a grin. He liked spending time with Jim and his wife. 

“I'll ask Kim and let you know. So how's it going? You getting your schedule down and mixing well with the students?” Jim asked with genuine concern.

“Some of the students know I'm the one who trashed the school. They aren't happy to have me here. I'm just trying to keep a low profile and do my job.” Jensen answered as he looked down at his feet. 

“Those kids have no idea who you are and what happened, Jensen. Don't let their ignorance get you down. You're doing a great job. I called your PO and told him how pleased I am with your work here. You're stronger than you know, son.” Jim stated and gave Jensen another smile. 

“Thanks for your support, Jim. I'm glad they sent me here to you. You help me focus on what's important. I'm going to keep working hard for you.” Jensen declared and smiled back at Jim. 

“I'll expect nothing less than your best, son. Now, go on. You're off the clock and it's time to relax and put the stress of the day behind you.” 

“I'll see you tomorrow, Jim. Bye.” Jensen stood up and turned to leave. 

“Bye, Jensen.” Jim said and watched the young man walk out the door. He was proud of Jensen. He wanted to see the boy get his life back on track. 

After dinner with the staff, Jensen and Jake went to the rec room and talked. Jensen told Jake what had happened with his father and why he had trashed the WPAA. Jake listened carefully and was very sympathetic. 

“Jensen, I'm real sorry about your dad. Losing him like that would be damn tough. I think you held up better than most would under those circumstances.” Jake said.

“Thanks, Jake.” Jensen didn't want to talk about the accident or the vandalism any more. He changed the subject and told Jake about the trash can incident in the auditorium in front of Jared and the blond girl, Jessica. He also told Jake that Jessica had known about him being the one who had trashed the school. 

“Her mom is a professor here. I'll bet she told Jessica about you doing your community service work here. That girl thinks she is hot shit. I'll bet she's got her eyes on Jared. I don't think it will go anywhere. I'm pretty sure that he's gay, at least I keep hoping.” Jake said with a leer. 

"It doesn't matter now if he's gay or not. He knows why I'm here, not that it would have made any difference. Guys like that ... well ... I'm not exactly in their league."Jensen said as he looked out the window.

"Hey, don't sell yourself short, Jensen. You're gorgeous. I'd grovel at your feet if you'd let me." Jake said and bowed to Jensen.

"Stop already. Thanks for listening to me whine. I'm gonna head to my room now. I'll see you tomorrow, Jake." Jensen said as he left to go to his room.

"No problem. Things will be all right, Jensen. Just give them some time." Jake replied and watched Jensen leave.

Jensen went to his room and got his journal. He decided to head out to the fountain and pour his thoughts of the day out onto the pages. Jensen had been writing for about ten minutes when a shadow fell across the journal. Jensen snapped it shut and looked up to find Jared smiling at him.

“Hey, Jensen. What cha writing?” Jared asked with a dimpled grin.

“Uh...How did you know my name?” Jensen forced out as he stared up at the handsome boy.

“It's on your name tag.” Jared remarked and Jensen looked down and realized he hadn't removed it after his shift.

“Oh, yeah.” Jensen said as he shifted nervously and swallowed. He was pretty sure Jared had to think he was an idiot. Why was he so tongue tied around this guy?

“I'm Jared. It's good to actually meet you.” Jared said and held out his hand.

Jensen stared at Jared's large hand and tentatively reached forward to shake it. “It's good to meet you too, Jared.” Jensen managed to force out and gave Jared a smile.

“So what are you writing?” Jared asked looking at the journal on Jensen's lap.

“It's nothing, just a drabble.” Jensen said and blushed cause he had been writing about Jared.

Jared sat down close by Jensen. “You sound like a Texas boy. I'm fron San Antonio. Where are you from?” Jared asked.

“I lived in Richardson, Texas until I was fifteen. My dad got a promotion and we moved. I've still got the accent.” Jensen answered as he glanced at Jared sitting so close to him.

“I like it. You're the only other Texan that I've met here. It seems most of the students come from the coasts. Have yo ever thought about applying here?” Jared said with a dimpled grin.

“You know I'm the guy who vandalized the school. Do you really think they would accept me?” Jensen replied looking down at his feet.

“You must have had a reason for what you did and you're here doing your community service. I think you'd have a shot at getting in if you wanted to.” Jared said as he looked at Jensen.

“Maybe I'll tell you why I did it someday. Do you really like it here?” Jensen asked as he chanced a look back up at Jared who was smiling at him.

“Worthington was my first, second and third choice for college. I am loving it here. How long will you be doing your community service work?”

“I'll be here until classes let out in May.” Jensen replied as he stared up at Jared.

“Good. I was hoping we could spend some time together. They have a great art house theater in Worthington. We could see some films together and eat at the diner or the coffee bistro.” Jared said.

“Are uh...you asking me out?” Jensen asked as he looked at Jared in disbelief.

“Yeah. Are you gonna say yes?” Jared asked with a dimpled grin.

“I've never been on a date with a guy before.” Jensen said as he blushed fiercely.

“Oh. Did I read your signals wrong? I thought you were interested in me.” Jared said as the grin left his face.

“I'm definitely interested in you, Jared. It's just...I've always been deeply closeted. I've never told my family or friends that I'm gay. That's why I've never gone out with a guy before. I would love to go out with you.” Jensen said all in a rush as his face glowed red.

“So you've never even kissed a guy?” Jared asked as he stared into Jensen's green eyes.

“No. I've had girls kiss me at dances and stuff, but no guys.” Jensen admitted.

“I have got a lot to teach you, Jensen. I came out when I was fifteen. I lost a lot of my friends and family, but I just couldn't hide who I was. Maybe I can help you come out too.” Jared said as he smiled at Jensen.

“I'd like that.” Jensen said softly as he grinned back at Jared.

~&~

A few days later Jensen shyly asked Jared if he'd like to go to Jim's BBQ with him. Jared accepted and Jensen let Jim know he was bringing a friend. If Jim was surprised to see Jensen with another boy when he drove up to pick him up on Saturday, he didn't show it. He greeted Jared with a smile and asked him a few questions as they made the short drive to Jim's house.

While Jensen was helping Jim's wife, Kim, get the food on the table, Jim turned to Jared. 'So you and Jensen, where do you see your relationship going?” He asked with a sharp look at the tall, dark haired boy.

“Are you asking me what my intentions are toward Jensen?” Jared asked in surprise as he met Jim's appraising look.

Jim just continued giving him the intense look. Jared took a deep breath and finally answered. “I'm not sure if you know it or not, but Jensen is gay. I intend to be his boyfriend. I want to help him fully experience his life and be who he really is. I want to bring him happiness and help him move forward. I hope he will give me the chance to do that.” Jared declared as he met Jim's steady gaze.

“It looks like you and I both saw the potential in Jensen. My staff isn't supposed to have relationships with the students, but I know it happens. As long as you are good for Jensen, I'm going to stay out of it. Don't hurt him, Jared. He's had enough hurt the past few months to last a life time.” Jim said in a low firm tone.

“I know. He told me what happened to his dad and why he took out his anger on the school. I wish I could take his pain and guilt away. It must be a terrible burden.” Jared said softly as he glanced through the glass patio door at Jensen.

“It's always easier to carry the burden when you have someone else to share it.” Jim said with a smile at Jared as he squeezed Jared's shoulder comfortingly. “Now, let's eat.”

When Jim and Jared walke out on the patio together, Jensen looked at them nervously. He'd been a little reluctant to leave them alone. Jim and Jared both gave Jensen big smiles and he returned it happily with a huge sense of relief. He wanted Jim and Jared to like each other. They were both important to him and he didn't want there to be tension between them.

~&~

On Sunday Jensen called Mac. They caught up a little with each others lives, then Jensen told her that he had made a new friend.

“Is he going to be a best friend like Chris?” Mac asked.

“He's different from Chris, but I really like him a lot.” Jensen said with a big grin.

“If you like him, then I know I'll like him.” Mac said. She was happy to hear excitement in her brother's voice again.

“I hope you'll get to meet him someday soon.” Jensen said with his heart full of hope for the future.

“Me too.” Mac chimed in. “We could have a pajama party, eat pizza, watch a scary movie and play video games!”

“I think that would be awesome!” Jensen exclaimed with a huge happy grin. His only fear was what his mother would think.

After Jensen hung up with Mac, he called Chris. He felt bad that it had been a month since he'd really talked to him. Every time Chris had called, Jensen had found a reason to cut the call short. He supposed it was because of having so much going on emotionally. He just hadn't been ready to talk yet. Jensen and Chris spent the first two hours of their conversation getting caught up with each others lives and work experiences. Then, Jensen finally got to his main point.

“Chris, I was wondering if you could come up to visit next weekend. I'd really like to see you and talk in person.” Jensen said softly hoping his best friend would agree.

“You're in luck. Steve has a family thing next weekend so we don't have any gigs booked. I can be there Friday night around 8:00.” Chris replied sounding well pleased. He had missed Jensen terribly and couldn't wait to see him.

“That's awesome Chris. I'll meet you at the security gate at 8:00.” Jensen said with a happy grin. He said good bye to Chris and went for a walk to the fountain. Jensen sat down and wrote in his journal. The news was all happy today. Jensen looked into the fountain and smiled. Things were definitely looking up.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

Jensen grew increasingly anxious as Friday arrived and Chris's visit grew close. Jared tried to reassure him that his best friend would be understanding, but Jensen wasn't so sure. He and Chris had been raised in strict religious families. Jensen was afraid he was going to lose the only friend who had stuck by him when his father had died. He started walking down to the gate a half hour early to burn off some nervous energy. Jensen was happy when Chris called a few minutes later to say he was only ten miles away and would arrive a little early.

Chris stopped his truck in front of the gate and Jensen walked over to the driver's side to greet him. Chris got out and hugged Jensen tight. He had missed Jensen and was happy to be with him again. “It's great to see you, man. Steve said to tell you hi. I think he wanted to visit too. Why don't you climb in and I'll give you a lift.”

“I'm really glad you got to come.” Jensen said before he walked around and got in the passenger side of the truck. “Let's go to the diner in town. I'd like to get off campus for awhile.”

“Sure thing. I passed it on the way through the old town square. Worthington is like some old town out of a movie. They have a town square, a few streets of houses and a water tower. That's about it.” Chris remarked.

“I think it survives on revenue from the students and the college. I kind of like it. The people are friendly and the place is clean and bright. They even have free wifi at the coffee shop.” Jensen replied with a grin.

Chris parked as close as he could to the diner and they were able to get a booth near the back. Jensen was nervous and fidgeting with his straw as Chris was talking about some gigs he and Steve had lined up over the upcoming holidays.

Finally, Chris looked at Jensen searchingly. “I get the feeling that you're working up the courage to tell me something. Is everything okay?”

Jensen dropped the straw he'd been chewing on, swallowed nervously and took a deep breath. “There is something I need to tell you, Chris. I should have told you when we first met. I was too afraid I'd lose you as a friend. I really hope this won't change things between us.” Jensen looked across at Chris and his eyes were shiny with unshed tears.

“It's okay, Jensen. Just tell me.” Chris said as he smiled kindly at Jensen. His best friend had always brought out the protective side of his nature.

“I'm gay and I'm dating a guy.” Jensen said in a hushed tone as he searched Chris's eyes for a reaction.

“That's not news to me. I figured that out when you were the only guy on the cheerleading squad and it wasn't to nail the cheerleaders. I always figured you'd come out when you were ready. I'm glad you're with someone. You deserve to be happy, Jensen.” Chris said with a smile.

“I uh...I never thought it was so obvious. Thanks for never letting it interfere with our friendship, Chris. I'd like you to meet the guy I'm dating. His name is Jared and he's a student at Worthington.” Jensen said. He was incredibly relieved that Chris wasn't bothered by his sexuality.

“Let me guess. Mr. Wonderful is tall, dark and handsome.” Chris remarked with a smug look.

“How did you know that?” Jensen asked looking utterly surprised.

“You weren't very subtle when you were checking out guys, Jensen. I know that's your type.”

Jensen blushed a deep red. “I guess I really am Mr. Obvious! Jeez. All this time, I thought I was in stealth mode and you knew everything.” Jensen stated with a shake of his head.

“You're my best friend, Jensen. I'm supposed to know all and tell nothing.” Chris said with a grin.

Jensen's phone chimed letting him know he had a message. He read it and looked over at Chris. “It's from Jared. He's outside and asking if it's okay to come in.”

“Bring him in. I want to get a good look at him.” Chris said and Jensen blushed.

When Jared walked up to their table Chris looked up and up some more. “Jensen didn't tell me you were seven feet tall.” He declared as he stood up to shake Jared's hand.

“Believe it or not I'm the short one in my family. My dad and brother are both taller than me.” Jared said with a grin as shook Chris's hand firmly.

“So you're the runt. Damn, that makes me feel bad. I really need to get a pair of boots with a little heel. It's good to meet you, Jared.” Chris said as he released Jared's large hand and settled back in the booth.

“Good to meet you too. Hey, Jen.” Jared said as he slid in the booth by Jensen.

“Hi, Jay.” Jensen said.

His face was still a little flushed which Jared found adorable. They sat and talked for awhile then made their way out to Chris's truck. They ended up on the roof of the staff dorm. Chris had brought his guitar and Jensen surprised Jared by singing with him and even playing a couple of songs. Jensen's voice was soft and melodic and Jared loved listening to him. He was finding that he loved everything about Jensen.

Chris watched Jensen closely over the weekend. He was happy that Jensen was finally being open about his sexuality. He had observed Jensen with Jared on several occasions during his stay and found that they were a good match. Jared was very supportive of Jensen and treated him with care and respect. Jensen was talking and laughing again as he hadn't done in months. By the time Chris left, he was convinced that Jensen was really back among the living. He found himself singing sappy happy songs all the way home.

~&~

Jensen and Jared were cautious on campus. They were aware that the school would not look kindly on Jensen dating one of their students while completing his community service work. One of the older staff members clued Jensen onto the roof access in their building. It had become the place where Jensen and Jared hung out together. Jensen had gradually become more accepting of physical affection from Jared. He enjoyed kissing Jared and being held by him, but he was still afraid and reluctant about going any further. Jared tried to be patient cause he knew everything was new for Jensen and he didn't want to scare him off.

On the first Monday in October, Jared asked Jensen if he'd go to see 'Singing in the Rain' with him in Worthington on Tuesday night. Jensen had never seen the classic movie with Gene Kelly and he readily agreed. He was going on his first official date with a guy and he couldn't be happier. Monday night, after Jensen's shift ended, Jim drove him in to town and Jensen bought a couple of new dress shirts and a pair of jeans. He was back to the weight he'd been before the accident now. His toned body looked great in the tight fitting jeans and emerald green button down shirt. He hoped Jared would like the outfit.

That Tuesday night, Jensen met Jared in town at the diner. They got a booth in the back that afforded them some privacy. Jensen was happy to get off campus for a few hours with Jared. Between working and living at Worthington, Jensen found he needed a break once in awhile. He loved it when Jared told him stories about growing up and doing crazy funny things with his family and friends. He loved Jared's voice, smile, dimples just everything about the tall handsome boy.

Jensen was still a little dazed at how his fortune had changed in the past few weeks. He was only taking one pill from his therapist now. The nightmares that had plagued him constantly for months were more rare and less intense. He was eating, sleeping and feeling better. Jensen was healing and he knew he owed credit to Jim and Jared for their constant support and encouragement. After they ate, it was time to walk over to the Grand Theater for 'Singing In The Rain'.

Jensen and Jared sat side by side in the theater. When the lights went down, Jared took Jensen's hand. Jensen smiled over at Jared as the movie began. Jensen enjoyed the movie especially Gene Kelly's classic dance sequence. As they left the theater, he was talking to Jared excitedly about it. Jared couldn't stop smiling at Jensen talking so animatedly. He remembered the first time they had talked and he'd had to drag answers out of the reluctant boy. Jensen was coming out of his shell and out from under the cloud of depression that had clung to him since his father's death. He still got sad sometimes, but the guilt and anger were fading like an old bruise. The love and support he was receiving from Jared and Jim was making him whole again.

Neither Jensen or Jared was aware that there were people who had been observing them and forming a plan to tear the happy couple apart for their own selfish reasons.

~&~

Jensen was sitting in the rec room after dinner talking with Jake. They had been discussing the big Halloween party that was held on campus each year. Then, Jake changed the subject to something more personal. “So how are things going with Mr. Dreamy?”

“We're good.” Jensen answered. He didn't really feel comfortable discussing Jared with Jake.

“Are you sure about that?” Jake asked with a sidelong glance at Jensen.

Jensen looked over at Jake sharply. “Why would you ask that?”

“Well, I saw him with Jessica and they were looking pretty cozy.” Jake replied.

“Jared isn't interested in girls, Jake.” Jensen stated firmly.

“Maybe he is when he isn't getting his needs met by his virgin boyfriend. I'm only telling you this as a friend. I don't want you to get hurt, Jensen.” Jake said softly.

Jensen stood up and walked away. He went back to his room and tried to read, but he couldn't concentrate. Jake's words kept niggling at the back of his mind. Jared was used to being with guys who were more experienced than him. He was always stopping Jared when things got too intense for him to handle. Jensen was worried now. He couldn't stand the thought of Jared being with someone else.

~&~

The conspirators against Jared and Jensen had planned things very carefully. They had observed Jared and Jensen closely and felt ready to put their scheme to break them up in motion.

Jensen and Jake were walking together to the Staff dorm as they did most evenings after their shift ended. Jensen had been quiet all day. Jake hadn't pushed him to talk as they made their way back to their rooms. Suddenly, Jensen stopped walking. He was staring at something on the grounds. Jake looked over and saw Jared and Jessica standing under a large maple tree that sported brilliant red fall foliage. Jared had his hands on Jessica's shoulders and was leaned in close talking to her. A few seconds later, he leaned down and kissed her as his arms tightened around her and crushed her against his much larger body. Jake heard Jensen make a small sound that sounded like an expression of pain. He turned to look at him, but Jensen had taken off running. Jake went in pursuit as Jensen ran blindly toward the fountain. Jake was smiling as he stayed just a few feet behind Jensen. He had counted on Jensen heading to the fountain.

Jared and Jessica's kiss was interrupted by her cell phone buzzing. She had a call from her best friend Meg. Jessica made her excuses to Jared, gathered her things and started to walk away. Jared began walking toward the fountain. He knew he could sometimes intercept Jensen there at this time of night.

Jake caught up with Jensen at the fountain and grabbed his friend's shoulder. “Jensen, why are you running?” He asked although he knew very well why.

Jensen turned to look at him and tears were making wet shiny tracks down his pale freckled cheeks. “I s...saw Jared. He was kissing Jessica. I mean really kissing her like he kisses me.” Jensen choked out and cried harder at the image of Jared and Jessica pressed tightly against each other in a passionate embrace that was burned into his brain.

Jake hugged Jensen. “I'm so sorry, Jensen. Let's go sit on the bench for a minute.” Jake kept his arm around Jensen as he led him to the bench and they sat close together.

They talked a little and Jake carefully watched for Jared to approach. When he saw the tall boy getting close, he cupped Jensen's face in his hand and leaned in close. Jensen was still distraught over Jared's betrayal and allowed Jake to pull him into his arms and hold him tight.

When Jared reached the fountain, he stopped walking suddenly and stood in stunned disbelief. Jensen was sitting with Jake and they looked very friendly. His hands unconsciously curled into fists when Jake pulled Jensen into his arms and held him tight. Jared started to walk toward them, but a hand on his shoulder stopped him.

“Hey, Jared! Meg just called again and canceled cause her hunky new hook up showed up at the cafe. We can go back to rehearsing now.” Jessica said with a huge smile.

The last thing Jared wanted to do was go back to rehearsing the play, but he couldn't reveal his relationship to Jessica. Her mom was a professor here and could get Jensen in a lot of trouble. Even though Jared was very upset, he didn't want to jeopardize Jensen's community service work at the WPAA.

Jake waited for the right moment, then said. “Don't look now.” He knew very well that Jensen would look. It was human nature.

Jensen raised his head from Jake's shoulder just in time to see Jared and Jessica walking away from the fountain arm in arm. They were walking close together and he could hear the blond giggle at something Jared had said. That sight and sound was like a red hot knife slicing into Jensen's heart. The pain burned through him and tore open the wounds that had finally started to heal.

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

After a few minutes, Jensen pulled away from Jake. “I'm going to my room.” He stated in a shaky voice and stood up to leave.

“I'll come with you, Jensen. You shouldn't be alone right now.” Jake said as he stood up and placed a comforting hand on Jensen's shoulder.

“I need some time, Jake. We'll talk later.” Jensen said firmly and walked away toward the staff quarters.

Jake was disappointed. He had envisioned holding Jensen all night and maybe a bit more. He reminded himself that the night was still young as he thought about dropping by to see Jensen later. He walked away from the fountain with a smile on his face.

Jensen went to his room and wrote in his notebook for a long while. He tried to pour his pain out on the paper, but it just seemed to keep building inside of him. The old wounds that had been ripped open were bleeding out inside him drowning him in sorrow. For the past several months there had just been hurt after hurt piled on top of each other. The only way that Jensen had been able to cope was with the drugs that numbed him and kept the pain at bay. Right now the pain was so intense, he felt crushed by it. Jensen couldn't seem to get enough air into his lungs. It was like trying to breathe under water.

Jensen put his journal away and opened his night stand. He took out the bottles of meds from his therapist. He poured some of the pills into his hand. They were colored blue, pink, yellow and white. Jensen thought they looked like a little rainbow in his palm and he flashed a small smile. Rainbows were happy and he believed he could be happy too, if he just took enough of them.

Jensen grabbed a bottle of water and started to take the rainbow colored pills. He wasn't thinking about his mom, Mac, Chris or even Jared. He was thinking about the last day he had spent with his dad. They had gotten up very early and left the house before dawn to go fishing. Jensen didn't really enjoy the fishing part. He did enjoy watching the sunrise over the lake and spending long hours with his dad out on the water and at their cabin. He had actually considered telling his dad that he was gay while they watched dawn break over the water, but in he hadn't had the courage to say the words.

His dad had caught several large catfish that day which pleased him immensely. When they went back to the cabin, Jensen had dutifully helped him clean and filet the fish. He knew his dad would batter and fry them when they got home that night. They had talked a lot about where Jensen wanted to go to college and what he would major in. His dad had always been big on the importance of education. Jensen had mentioned the Worthington Performing Arts Academy and his dad had been surprised. Jensen knew that his dad didn't realize that he was interested in the performing arts. Unfortunately, now, his dad would never know.

The rainbow of pills had disappeared from Jensen's hand as he had been lost in his memory. He laid down to sleep for awhile, but the nightmare of the wreck had returned with a vengeance. He woke up with a scream on his lips and tears on his cheeks. His room was pitch black. Jensen felt an overwhelming urge to get out of his room and into the dark night beyond. The drugs had slowed his movements as they numbed his mind and suppressed the pain. Jensen felt like he was moving through molasses as he made his way out of the staff quarters and onto a path that led to the lake.

Jensen stopped on the shoe of the lake and stared fascinated at the image of the moon rippling endlessly on the water. The deep inky liquid was calling to him. Jensen found himself wanting to answer that call and disappear into its black depths. If he did that, the pain would end. He wound end too, but that didn't concern him too much. If he went into the water, he could see his dad again. He could know for sure if his dad blame him for what had happened. It was worth his life to know the answer to that question.

~&~

While Jared and Jessica were rehearsing several of the other drama students had walked by on their way to the cafe. Jared had gotten roped into going with them and spent a few hours there. When he finally escaped, he tried to call Jensen. He wanted to find out just what exactly was going on with him and Jake. Jensen had told him that Jake was just a friend. Maybe Jensen had been playing him all along. Jensen didn't answer his phone and Jared found his temper rising. He kept picturing Jensen on the roof with Jake. If he found them there together, he would pound Jake with his fists. Jared felt hurt, jealous and angry as he walked over to the staff dorm.

One of the older staff members was outside smoking and watched Jared walk up. “You looking for Jensen?” He asked.

“Yeah. Have you seen him?” Jared replied struggling to keep his voice neutral.

“He went walking off down toward the lake.” The man said and pointed at the path.

“Was he alone?” Jared asked feeling his gut twist with jealousy at the thougth of Jake and Jensen going together.

“Yes. He looked kind of weird and he didn't answer when I talked to him. He might be sick or something.” The older man remarked.

Jared felt some of his anger fade and concern began to grow. “Thanks. I'll go check on him.” Jared said and took off jogging down the path.

~&~

Jensen was walking step by step deeper into the cold embrace of the lake. As his work boots and pants took on water, they felt like lead weights on his feet and legs. Jensen had to concentrate to keep picking them up and putting them down. The chillly inky black water was to his waist now. Jensen stopped for a moment to catch his breath. He stared transfixed at the image of the moon rippling around him on the water. It was so beautiful he couldn't stop staring.

Jared stopped in shock for a moment as his eyes locked onto the figure standing submerged to the waist in the lake. A part of his mind refused to believe that was Jensen out there. Jared unconsciously shook his head and said 'no'. It didn't make any sense. Why would Jensen do that? Maybe he really was sick or something. Jared finally shook off his paralysis and ran to the edge of the water.

“Jensen! Jensen, what are you doing?” Jared yelled loudly.

Jensen flinched when he heard Jared's voice calling to him. Jared was a part of the pain he carried inside him now. He didn't want to talk to Jared. Jensen began moving forward again. He was making slow progress, but eventually, the frigid black depths would welcome him and the pain would end.

“Jensen! No!” Jared screamed as Jensen began to move going deeper into the lake.

Jared kicked off his shoes and jumped into the water. His only thought was getting Jensen out of the lake. He almost went into shock when his body was submerged in the frigid water. Jared came up sputtering and began to swim as fast as he could toward Jensen. Jared was a strong swimmer and he reached Jensen quickly. He grabbed Jensen around the waist and began swimming back with him to the shore. Jared figured they could talk when they were back on dry land.

When Jared laid Jensen down on the bank, reaction to the cold hit the smaller man. He began to shiver violently and his teeth chattered. Jensen's thoughts were breaking free of the haze of the drugs as he focused on Jared's concerned face looking down at him.

“Jensen, what did you take?” Jared asked as he stared into Jensen's eyes.

“I ate the rainbow.” Jensen forced out through his chattering teeth.

Jared picked Jensen up and began to move as quickly as possible to the staff dorm. He used the side entrance that led to the kitchen. Jensen had showed him around there once. He sat Jensen on the large cooking island, then got tabasco sause and horseradish. Jared mixed up a heaping tablespoon and forced Jensen to swallow it. Jared's grandmother had taught him that trick for getting someone to throw up when needed. Soon Jensen was emptying out the contents of his stomach into the industrial sink in the kitchen. Jared did indeed see a rainbow of partially disolved pills. When Jensen was empty, Jared laid him on the island and put some coffee on.

Next, Jared took Jensen to the shower room, stripped him out of his wet clothes and got him under a hot shower to raise his body temperature. In normal circumstances, Jensen would have been mortified at Jared seeing him nude like this for the first time. He understood though, that Jared was helping him. After the shower, Jared got Jensen some clean clothes. Jensen got dressed and they went back to the kitchen to drink the coffee Jared had put on earlier. There were a lot of things Jared wanted to say, but he didn't seem to be able to start.

“Jared, I saw you kissing Jessica today. Are you with her now?” Jensen asked in a small emotion choked voice.

“Jensen, we were rehearing the play. That wasn't a real kiss. I'm gay! Why the hell would I be with Jessica?” Jared exclaimed.

“Well, I haven't been uh... fulfilling your needs.” Jensen said as his face burned and he stared down at the table.

“Jensen, you aren't just a hook up to me. I want to have sex with you, but I also want to just be with you. I will admit to jerking off a lot, but I haven't fucked anybody since we've been together.” Jared said. “Now, how about you tell me what's going on with you and Jake. I saw you two at the fountain today.”

“I was crying because I'd seen you kissing Jessica. Jake was comforting me.” Jensen said as he looked up and met Jared's sharp gaze.

“Wait a minute. I think they set us up. It's all just a little too convenient, isn't it. I think they wanted to make us believe that we were being cheated on. They were trying to break us up and it almost worked.” Jared said with a fire in his eyes.

“Why would they do something so cruel?” Jensen asked thinking of how much pain he'd felt at the thought of Jared betraying him with Jessica.

“Jake wants you and Jessica wants me. They cooked up a plan that they thought would get them what they wanted.” Jared said as he raked a hand through his still damp hair.

“I'm so stupid. I really thought Jake was my friend.” Jensen said as he looked down at the table.

“You're not stupid, Jensen. Jake made you believe he was your friend. He betrayed your trust in him.”

Jensen started to cry and Jared went around the table to hug him. Jensen clung to the bigger boy as he cried. He hated that Jake had turned out to be a bad guy. He also hated that he had believed the worst about Jared without even talking to him. When they finally pulled apart, Jared looked down at Jensen with a very serious expression on his face.

“Jensen, what were you thinking going out into the lake like that?” Jared asked.

“I just wanted the pain to end. I wanted to be with my dad again.” Jensen replied honestly as he looked up into Jared's blue green eyes.

“God, Jensen, seeing you in that water. I was so damn scared of losing you. It make me realize how much I love you. I've never loved anyone like this before. It kind of scares me.” Jared admitted as he met Jensen's gaze.

“I love you too, Jared. I'm so sorry I scared you. I promise to talk with you from now on and not let myself get so upset. I don't want to lose you.” Jensen said as he hugged Jared again. He laid his head against Jared's chest and listened to the steady rhythm of his heart beat.

“You won't lose me, Jensen. I'm going to stay right here.” Jared said as he held Jensen close. He thought about what his mom had told him a couple of years ago. She had said that if you went searching for love, you'd never find it. When love was ready, it would find you. Jared reminded himself to call his mom and tell her how right she had been. When he hadn't been looking at all, Jensen had found him.

Final Chapter Coming Soon!


	7. Chapter 7

  
Chapter Seven

The next week Jensen started seeing a semi-retired psychologist who specialized in grief counseling. Jim had found the kind woman in Worthington and arranged for Jensen to have sessions with her three times a week. Jared waited outside the diner that Saturday night and confronted Jake over what he had done to Jensen. The fight that followed left Jake with a broken nose, split lip and several cracked ribs. He wisely kept his distance from Jared and Jensen after the beating and warning. Jared's confrontation with Jessica wasn't physical, but it was no less heated. Jared made very sure she got the message that he would never be with her and to leave him and Jensen alone.

Jim talked Jensen into filling out an application to attend Worthington when his community service was completed. To Jensen's surprise, he was accepted and could begin classes next fall. Jared had been really happy to hear the news. He figured Jim must have given him a glowing recommendation and was very grateful for his support. Jim, Kim, and Jared took Jensen out for a delicious steak dinner to celebrate and congratulate him. Jensen glowed under their attention.

Jensen was surprised and elated when his mom called and invited him home for Thanksgiving in November. He spent the long weekend talking with her about everything and rebuilding the once strong bond between them. When he told her he was gay and had a boyfriend named Jared, his mom surprised him. She told him she had figured that out when he was much younger. She had had asked him if he liked a beautiful girl who lived in their neighborhood when he was a young teen. He had replied honestly that he liked the girl's boots. The whole male cheerleading thing in high school had just been the closer for her. It made Jensen very happy to know that his mom accepted who he was. A whole new phase of his life as an out gay man was just beginning.

Jensen had fun visiting Chris and Steve while he was home for the holiday. He even joined them on stage one night to play guitar and sing. Jensen spent hours with Mac entertaining her and making her laugh. He had always been close to his baby sister and liked to see her smile. He was really starting to be Jensen again as he had been before his father's death had crushed him under grief and guilt.

Jared called him every evening and they talked late into the night. They both missed seeing each other every day and the long conversations helped to ease the ache of separation.

~*~

In December, Jensen surprised Jared by asking him to come to his families cabin at the lake with him before going home for Christmas. Jared readily accepted the invitation and on a snowy December morning they made the two hour drive to the lake in Jared's car. Jared was a little worried that going to the cabin would spark Jensen's depression, but the blond was very animated as they drove along the highway. He told Jared how his family had spent Memorial Day, 4th of July and Labor Day barbecuing at the lake with family and friends. Jensen smiled a lot as he relived some of his favorite holiday moments with his family.

When they got to the cabin, Jensen went silent. He was lost in his memories of his final visit there with his dad. They went inside and Jensen went around turning on the heat and water, then they brought in firewood for the fireplace. They stowed their stuff in Jensen's bedroom, then headed to the kitchen to put away their provisions for the next couple of days.

When they were finished, Jensen turned to Jared. “Thanks for coming with me, Jared. I really needed to come back here, but I couldn't do it alone.” He said softly as he looked up into Jared's blue green eyes.

“I'm enjoying being here with you, Jensen. Thanks for inviting me.” Jared said as he flashed the dimpled grin that Jensen loved.

“I think I can help you enjoy it even more.” Jensen said softly and took Jared's hand. He led the dark haired boy to his room where he went in to turn on the shower. “Let's take a shower together.” Jensen said as he started to strip off his clothes.

“Are you sure?” Jared asked knowing how Jensen usually shied away from getting completely nude.

“I'm positive.” Jensen said as he removed his clothes and laid them on his dresser.

Jared undressed quickly not wanting to break the mood that had come over Jensen. He loved Jensen's slim taut body and was already half hard as he pulled off his jeans and boxer briefs. Jensen checked the water to make sure it was heated properly then stepped in. Jared followed right behind him.

“People at WPAA thought you must be some bad boy type since you were there doing community service, but I knew you were good from the moment I saw you in the auditorium. I couldn't stop thinking about you, Jensen. I started looking for you on campus until I found you at the fountain. I wanted to touch you so badly, but you were so shy.” Jared let the water run over him as he looked down at Jensen with eyes darkened by desire.

Jensen was staring at Jared's cut chest and was mesmerized by his chiseled perfection. Jared smoothed his wet hair back out of his face. As he arched his back, his semi erect cock was pushed forward in a mouth watering display of virility. Jensen made a small unconscious whimper in the back of his throat at the exhibition of pure masculinity and beauty.

“Touch me, Jared. I want to be a bad boy today.” Jensen declared as his cock hardened, his breathing grew heavy and his heart trip hammered in his chest.

Jared pulled the smaller man into his arms and kissed him. The kiss was light and exploring at first, but quickly became more passionate as their hot wet bodies slid against each other. Their hands traced over each others exposed flesh as they began to grind against each other. Jared had wanted this with Jensen for so long. He could hardly believe Jensen had actually initiated this. After several long moments of deep passionate kissing, Jensen pulled away.

“I want to go to my bed now. Let's get dried off.” Jensen said taking ragged breaths.

Jared was definitely on board with that idea. They dried each other off quickly and headed back into the bedroom.

“You're so gorgeous, Jensen.” Jared said as they climbed on the bed.

Jensen laid back and smiled. “Mmmm...Thank you.” He murmured as Jared leaned in and circled his right nipple with his tongue.

Jensen drew in his breath and moaned softly. Jared smiled as he gently bit the erect peak and let his tongue dance over it. He treated the left nipple to the same sensual touch as Jensen moaned under him.

“You are so sexy, Jen. I want to go slow, but I might get a little out of control. Tell me to go easy if I do.” Jared said, then licked a trail down Jensen's flat stomach to his hard cock.

Jared took hold of Jensen's shaft and lapped all the precome off the crown. Jensen was panting and mewling and trying not to buck his hips up off the bed. Watching Jared licking, sucking and devouring his cock was the most incredibly erotic thing Jensen had ever seen or felt. Jared was exploring Jensen's cock finding all his hot spots and concentrating on them to give him pleasure. He loved the sounds Jensen was making and how he felt and tasted. Jared had been with other guys, but he'd never made love to them like he was with Jensen. He took Jensen's entire length in his mouth and swallowed around him. Jensen cried out at the sensation and his hips moved up. Jared worked his shaft hard making Jensen crazy with the jolts of pure pleasure shooting through his body.

“Jared, I'm gonna come!” Jensen cried out a warning.

Jared didn't back off as Jensen's cock pulsed in his mouth pouring out hot bursts of creamy come. Jared swallowed every drop and licked Jensen clean when he had stopped spasming. Jensen had found the whole thing incredible and addictive. He knew he'd be wanting a lot more of it in the future.

“You are amazing, Jared. I didn't know anything could feel like that.” Jensen said with a beautiful smile.

“We're just getting started. I've got a lot of pleasurable acts to show you.” Jared remarked with a sexy grin.

“Now, I want to return the favor.” Jensen stated as he reached out and stroked Jared's thick leaking cock.

He kissed Jared hard and sucked on his tongue finding he liked the taste of himself there. Jensen continued to stroke Jared as he kissed down his neck, on to his nipples, then down his muscular chest to his hard prick. Jensen began tentatively licking and sucking the smooth hard flesh. Jared tangled his fingers in Jensen's blond hair and urged him on.

“Oh, God! Baby, that feels so good.”

Jensen was happy that he was returning the pleasure that Jared had given him. He savored the taste of Jared's shaft filling his mouth and sliding across his tongue. Jensen continued to lick and suck until Jared cried out and filled his mouth with his release. Jensen made sure to swallow every drop before he kitten licked Jared clean and smiled up at him.

“Turn over on your stomach Jensen. It's time for you to learn what rimming feels like.” Jared husked.

Jensen was trembling in anticipation as he got into position and felt Jared move up close behind him. The taller boy gently massaged Jensen's firm ass cheeks for a few moments teasing himself with glimpses of Jensen's pink rose bud. Jared finally couldn't hold back. He leaned in and licked around the pink winking star making Jensen mewl and shudder in response. Before long, the teasing tongue invaded him and Jensen cried out as Jared added the stimulation of stroking his cock in time with his tongue thrusts. Jared added a finger and searched for the spot that he knew would make Jensen crazy. When he found the bundle of nerves, he touched it and Jensen's body jolted as if he'd been electrified. Jensen cried out and pressed back against Jared who continued to rim and stretch him. After a few moments, Jared withdrew his talented tongue and fingers. Jensen felt empty without them. He wanted more. He wanted everything.

“Jared, please.” Jensen begged as he turned over on his back and gazed up Jared with dark green eyes.

“I'm just getting the lube. I'll be right back.” Jared said as he got into his overnight bag and grabbed the tube. He climbed right back on the bed. “I want you to be ready for me. It will hurt. It always does at first, but I promise it will feel amazing very soon.” Jared said as he pressed the lube inside Jensen, then coated his aching cock with it. “Pull your legs up against your chest and raise your hips.”

Jensen got into position and looked up at Jared with love and complete trust in his glowing green eyes. Jared smiled down at him as he pressed against his entrance until he popped past the tight ring of muscle. Jensen gasped and his eyes flew wide at the burn and stretch of penetration. Jared was careful to push forward slow and steady. Jensen felt the pain melting away and the first wave of pleasure rolled through him. His body adjusted to Jared's thick shaft and he began to move with Jared as his own cock hardened again.

“Oh God, Jensen. You feel incredible, Baby.” Jared stated as he established a delicious rhythm with his lover.

Soon they were moving together in a sensual dance that made them both moan and gasp with pleasure. Jared made it last as long as he could. This was Jensen's first time and he wanted him to remember it as being mind blowing. When Jensen asked him to go harder and deeper, Jared was only too willing to comply. He rolled Jensen's body up under him and went for maximum penetration and stimulation. The way Jensen was screaming out his pleasure and shuddering under him let him know how much he was enjoying their coupling. When Jensen came, he felt like his cock was exploding. He saw white spots in front of his eyes as he shuddered and shook. Jared couldn't hold off his orgasm any longer. He came deep inside Jensen and cried out his name loudly. They both collapsed on the bed together in a tangle of sweat slick limbs.

When Jensen could breath and speak again he turned to Jared. “I love you, Jared. I was so lost, then you found me and now I feel whole.”

“I love you too, Jensen.” Jared said softly and held him close. Jensen was the one guy he never wanted to let go.

 


End file.
